Designed by God

"make over your body"
"the key to flirty eyes"
"5 mins to a gorgeous face"

Why? Why should we change ourselves to try to please others? When the only person we should try to please is God. Isent it funny how we do all these things to please other and make ourselves "happy" when by doing These things we get further away from being "happy" because we lose ourselves in the process.
God never intended for us to feel broken. God never intended for us to struggle to feel beautiful. Then why? Because we live in a broken world! God made us beautiful so why are trying so hard for something we already have?

Writing assignment--give three examples of advertisemnts that use a womans face or body to sell products. What promises do these products male? How likely is it that the promises will be fulfilled?
How do these images affect how you feel about yourself? How do these messages affect how guys treat girls? Read John 8:44. What does this scripture teach us about our enemy? Knowing that God desires to give us His beauty, how should we look at the images in magazines, music videos and movies that perpetuate the worlds idea of ideal beauty?

Assumpions

A guy came to my door yesterday.  He started ranting on about children and obesity and "bad foods."  Bad foods?  I've learned for 3 years that there are no "bad foods"  My mom stands up for me and tells the guy that we have a anorexic child living in the house.  All of a sudden his lecture turn sympathetic.
Assumptions.  People assume that if yours not underweight there is NO WAY you could have an eating disorder.  But theres another kind of assumption.  When your younger and you learn about eating disorders in health class.  You learn about anorexia and bulimia and you assume that would never happen to you.  At least, I did.  I always thought why would you do that.  But when your in the moment, it doesn't matter.  I remember thinking at the peak of my eating disorder
I wonder if I could ever eat normally again...
I still wonder sometimes. I am definitely at a better place but I am definitely NOT recovered.
Think about what your like would be like without ed.  THen write it down and whenever you feel unmotivated, look at it. :)

P.S
Look at me youtube channel
beyondbeautiful96

:)
Have a great day!

Dancers--Watch out!

An article I found on ballet dancers and eating disorders. I want the perfect ballerina body!!!  There are many poeple around us who think they are fat. Many of it come from the pressure of boys and how they htink girls body's should be like. For dancers it is different, they need to be light and liftable. Dieting comes in hand at this point but when they dont succeed they do the next best thng that they think is healthy that comes to mind. An eating disorder.

by: Kristi The ballet physique: A ballerina could start her training as early as four years old and through the years that she comes out of being a toddler to becoming a school girl into adolescents she notices many things.. She will see a lot of changes in herself. Some of these are good, boys become cute, her breasts start to grow, hips widen, her menstrual cycle begins and she becomes taller. Some things about growing up are not good. For one thing there is the problem in a ballerina that her breasts will grow too big to conform to the figure of the perfect small ballerina. Hips start to fill out and the "ballet bum" begins to lose its shape. Girls see that all of the famous and really good ballerinas are the thin ones, with no breasts, no hips and no stomachs. Why is this shape the desirable shape for the ballerina? The origin of the dance figure was in the eighteenth century. A young dancer by the name of Marie Camargo became a prominent figure on the stage. She was light footed sure of her steps and shorter than all of the male dancers on the stage. Her timing for her career was perfect. This was about the time that it became fashionable to go to the ballet. Camargo became famous and every young dancer in the world wanted to go to the same dance company so that they could share in her lime light. The company would not let any new dancers in who were taller than their star performer. As girls reached five feet five their dreams would be smashed at the realization that they would never have Camargo's figure. This new dancer also redefined the shape of the classical ballet dancer. Before her debut on the stage the ballet dancers were not traditionally small, but due to her popularity, the new figure became mandatory to succeed in the world of ballet. The look of the dancer is the "genre of the veritably, length of spine, the open stance and the lean look" (Street, 1994). This is derived from the court dance which attempted to portray a regal demeanor. Why dancers have such a high incidence of the disease: A ballet dancer is very aware of what her body looks like. At each practice she attends she wears skin-tight clothes and dances strenuously in front of large mirrors. A dancer has to look at herself for many hours in a day and this can cause a realization in the dancer. The general public may look in the mirror for a few minutes a day, hardly aware of what they really look like, but a dancer has no choice but to stand in front of a mirror and compare herself with others in the room. Seeing others thinner than she, could prompt a dancer to lose a few pounds to look as small as the other dancers in the room. As each one does this the room of dancers becomes very small. Anorexia seems like the best way to become the smallest dancer in the class. Another reason dancers would want to be small is that they have to jump high, spin fast and balance on their toes for extended periods of time. If a dancer weighs much or her weight changes frequently these steps are difficult to execute. A dancer has to know her body weight and be able to balance with no exterior problems. "Extra weight changes the balance of the body. It takes more strength to get up in the air, more time to do the move, and it's harder to land." (Chiu, 1996) A dancer also has to be conscious that a man has to be able to carry her for extended lifts and holds. Knowing she can dance better with a smaller weight convinces a dancer that she must stay thin at all costs. A dancer is usually seeking perfection in the steps that she executes. If she does not she will never reach a professionals level. Because a dancer is a perfectionist, she has to be flawless and better than her peers. A young anorexic dancer, when interviewed stated that, "she had something that other people wanted. They wanted to look like her and it was a sense of power, control and accomplishment that she could be like that." (Dyson, 1995) This also gives the dancer a feeling that she has an edge over the other dancers and sometimes this edge is important. The ultimate goal for a dancer is to become a professional. The truth is as stated by a dancer, "In the real world people who are not thin do not get jobs." (Emily Martin, personal communications, December, 1995) In the dancing world this is true. All dancers know that to get into a dance company of choice they have to look like the other girls in the ballet world so that when they get on stage they all look the same. The dancers know this and before applying for a dance company make sure that their bodies conform to the ideals of the dance company. The edge (being smaller than all other) that is gained through anorexia may be what gets them into the dance company. Those girls that do not have the figures have to find something else to do with their lives. For some this can be too much and that will drive them to anorexia to get into the company the next audition. Dancers are usually from a moderately high socio-economic background. As discussed previously, the children from the high socio-economic background have a higher incidence of getting anorexia than any other group. With the pressures of their family life and of dancing these girls are at a higher risk than any other group in society (of getting anorexia). The primary reason that a dancer will develop anorexia is traditionally a ballet dancers are slender. When it is known throughout the world that the best dancers in the world are thin and only the thin ballet dancers get jobs, it is easy for a dancer at a young age to think that anorexia is the only way for them to become and stay thin. To a dancer the pressure to be thin is very great. Before anyone looks at the way they dance or the way they move, the way they look is the first thing noticed. "An ideal has been set in place in the dance community which reflects the general publics desire to see thin women on stage." (Dyson, 1995) Conclusion: Although eating disorders can affect everyone, the incidence in dancers is almost one hundred percent as estimated by the CAAWS. "Most dancers have been through some kind of eating disorder, it's just that we don't see it. We don't discuss it." (Kehree LaCrosse, dance teacher, personal communication, January 1996) The ballet dancers in our society have been told by the general public that if they are not thin then they will not be considered ballet dancers. Because of pressures put on a dancer to be thin she will find her peace in developing an eating disorder. These disorders can cause many disturbances in the body sometimes resulting in death. Why do we put one elite group in our society through such emotional and physical turmoil? Do we really need to have thin, frail girls dancing across a stage? Our society is killing a group on individuals because of the traditional way we view the ballerina. I have been a dancer since I've been able to jump skip and hop.  I never knew the seriousness of eating disorders in dancers especially. I remember in rehearsal one day my dance teacher was talking about lifting.  She pointed out all of the skinny small dancers and told them that they could be lifted.  She pointed to me and said, "your too thick."  That moment will forever sting my heart. Dancers--Watch out! I am currently a solo lesson where I can wear whatever I want and a teacher that is a very good example or confidence.  If you are in a ballet company make sure you get educated on eating disorders.  They are serious. I am choosing not to be a statistic...I am going to be a surviver <3

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

I was looking back at past journals tonight because I couldn't sleep.  I read a page from 2004 which means I would have been 8.  In this entry I was basically just filling in information about myself (after all it was a new journal).
I came to a sentence where I listed my weight.  I also stated that I need to lose weight and better start paying more attention to the weight loss show Biggest Loser in order to lose weight.  I also drew a picture of a stick figure with a little head and a HUGE body.  It was the saddest thing.

I came to the conclusion that I have always considered myself "fat" my whole life.
My advice to you friends, those who have children--Stress to them that THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL! And that its INNER BEAUTY that matters
Those who don't have children--treat yourself like a child! And remember that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! And anyways, Its inner beauty that matters <3

More Than Skin Deep

"The more we focus on God, the more comfortable we become in our skin" Crystal Kirgiss, More than Skin Deep-Page 48
More Than Skin Deep is a great book! It talks a lot about the difference between Skin and skin.  Also it talks about the love of God and Jesus Christ.
Its a great book for girls...every girl BECAUSE every girl has a skin crises.
I truly and completely recommend this book :)

Some of my art work <3

the dreaded...shopping...

As school starts to arrive, there is the dreaded...school clothes shopping.  Today was the start of the experience for me.  I started out at Victoria Secret (why I started out there I don't know :P)  Well, lets just say that was a terrible start to the day.
You walk into the store and see all those fake skinny models everywhere, that wasn't very welcoming.  Of course, I didn't find anything there, so we moved to JC Penny's.  HALLELUJAH!  Score!  I found some clothing! Can you believe it?!  Anyways there was a lot that happened between Victoria Secret and JC Penny's...emotional breakdown!  Nothing looks good on me, I don't fit into anything etc etc etc.
LIES these are all LIES! I ended up getting a curvy fit outfit which is OK.  I was totally not okay it at first but I mean, don't people want to be curvy?  I always think Im going to restrict so I can lose a ton of weight...WOAH NOW! Ed thought!  Whats the point of losing all the weight if your just gonna gain it and more back!  It doesn't make sense!
Lesson of the day:
Be yourself, because thats what is going to make you most attractive. :)

Update

Hey everyone! Im soo sorry I haven't been blogging a ton latly, been really busy with babysitting and dance an working hard on my recovery. I am, however, going to start blogging everyday again :)
Heres a little update on my beyondbeautiful plan. I am going to start making some clothes. Now I know this is a far dream but my vision is to start a beyondbeautiful clothing line. I sew and knit so I think it would be great!
These clothes will not be made for size 00 models, they will be made in all shapes and sizes. Once I get an article of clothing finished, I will fit it to my body and I will model it and put up pictures :)
I have big hopes and dreams for the future!
Wish me luck :)

Im Perfect, In Jesus' eyes :)

I know I say this all the time, but I CONSTANTLY remind my self of one of my favorite verses in the bible.  1 Peter 3:3
³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.


My mom recently got me a book called More Than Skin Deep, it talks about how beauty isn't only skin deep.  How God made you beautiful and that you ARE LOVED.




Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded
James 4:8